In a recent episode of Together at the Top, I sat down with Kristin Olsen-Cate to talk about leading with civility in today’s polarized environment. Kristin is a California lobbyist, former Assemblywoman, former Stanislaus County Supervisor, and Aspen Rodel Fellow. More importantly, she is someone I have long admired as the antithesis to sharp partisanship.
Setting the Scene: A Gubernatorial Debate in Modesto’s Backyard
Not long ago, Kristin helped moderate a high-profile Central Valley gubernatorial debate, right in Modesto’s backyard. Leading candidates from both parties were on stage. The audience was packed. The issues were personal: water, affordability, regulation, housing, agriculture, and the future of California’s working communities.
You could feel the tension in the room. But you could also feel hope and curiosity. Kristin’s posture on stage was measured, firm, and fair. She asked direct questions, kept the conversation moving, and showed what it looks like to lead with civility when cameras are on and the stakes are high.
That moment became a doorway into what Kristin calls the exhausted majority: people who are worn down by toxicity on both sides and want solutions over soundbites. The same is true in our organizations. Business leaders, public officials, and teams are tired too.
Workplace civility is not separate from public civility. The way leaders handle conflict at work becomes training for how people engage everywhere else. That is why leadership development must include civil discourse, conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and practical strategies for helping employees feel respected.
The Exhausted Majority and the Ripple Effect of How We Lead
Kristin’s point was simple: real change rarely starts at the Capitol. It starts one dinner table at a time, one neighborhood at a time, one school board at a time, and one team at a time.
That matters because leaders set the emotional temperature. Leaders can foster a culture of civility by modeling respectful behavior, as their actions set the tone for the entire organization. Modeling civil behavior creates a ripple effect; uncivil behavior does too.
Think about a tense budget meeting. One executive blames “those people in operations.” Another says, “We have a hard problem to solve together.” Same facts. Different behavior. Different culture.
Or think about a politically charged water-cooler conversation. If leaders ignore disrespect, employees learn that incivility is tolerated. Addressing incivility promptly and fairly is crucial; allowing uncivil behavior to go unchecked can lead to a toxic work environment and undermine efforts to promote civility.
According to SHRM research, 40% of U.S. workers have experienced or witnessed incivility at work, which can lead to decreased productivity and higher turnover rates. Research also indicates that nearly two-thirds of U.S. workers have witnessed or experienced incivility at work within the past month, highlighting the prevalence of this issue.
From Modesto Planning Commission to Aspen Rodel Fellow: Kristin’s Leadership Journey
Kristin’s leadership did not begin on a big stage. It began close to home on the Modesto Planning Commission, where zoning, growth, roads, and neighborhood concerns forced people to sit across from one another and work through tradeoffs.
From there, she was elected to the California State Assembly in 2010. In Sacramento, she served on committees tied to water, agriculture, education, and higher education, and later became Assembly Minority Leader. The political process can reward combat, but Kristin built a reputation for being firm without becoming cruel.
She later served on the Stanislaus County Board of Supervisors, where issues such as homelessness, public safety, healthcare access, and economic development demanded problem-solving rather than performance. Local government has a way of stripping away slogans. People need help, and leaders need relationships.
Today, through the California Rodel Fellowship and Aspen Institute network, Kristin helps bring Republicans, Democrats, and independents into deeper dialogue. That work strengthens relationships because it starts with mutual respect, not agreement.
What Aspen and Rodel Teach About Civil Leadership
The Rodel model brings together public leaders from different ideological backgrounds for text-based conversations about democracy, identity, values, and responsibility. The point is not to win the room. The point is to understand the person across the room.
A conversation about water policy, for example, can quickly become a conversation about rural dignity, environmental stewardship, jobs, and trust. Valuing diverse perspectives and managing conflicts with emotional intelligence are essential aspects of civil leadership.
Private-sector leaders can borrow this approach: use neutral facilitation, establish ground rules, create space for hard questions, and practice active listening. Active listening involves focusing completely on understanding others before responding. Practicing active listening involves paraphrasing team members to demonstrate understanding before responding.
Convictions That Ground Civil Leaders: Clear Is Kind, Grace, and Encouragement
The heart of Kristin’s leadership philosophy is practical. First: clear is kind. Establishing clear expectations around respectful behavior is crucial for creating a culture of civility within an organization. Avoiding clarity may feel polite, but it creates confusion and resentment.
To create a culture of civility, it’s important to establish clear expectations for behavior, incorporate civility into the organization’s core values, and embed it in performance evaluations. Explicitly outlining expectations for respectful behavior in an employee handbook helps enforce civility across all ranks.
Second, people need grace because we all do. Psychological safety allows employees to express ideas and take risks without fear of belittlement. Accountability involves owning mistakes openly and apologizing sincerely when necessary. Leaders can hold teams accountable while maintaining individual dignity and respect.
Third: be people’s greatest encourager, not their greatest critic. Recognizing and rewarding civil behavior among employees can reinforce the importance of respect and collaboration in the workplace. Recognizing and rewarding civil behavior through programs that highlight employees who exemplify civility signals that such behavior is valued and essential to the organization’s success.
Hard work paired with grace can still move mountains. Kristin’s public service, including work on major water and community issues, proves that kindness is not weakness. It is a foundation for effective leadership and organizational success.
Practicing Civility in Difficult Conversations
Here is a simple framework for difficult conversations: prepare, humanize, clarify, and commit. Prepare the facts. Humanize the person. Clarify the expectation. Commit to the next step.
A manager might say: “I value your contribution, and I need to be clear. The way that comment landed in the meeting was not respectful. We critique processes and behaviors, not personal identities. Going forward, I expect disagreement without personal attacks.”
Using de-escalating language can help maintain constructive communication during conflicts. Transparent communication about decision-making helps staff understand rather than assume the reasoning behind leadership actions. One well-handled conversation can reset norms for an entire department.
Women in Leadership, Perception, and the “Don’t Tread on Me” Moment
Kristin also spoke honestly about women in leadership. Women are still underestimated, labeled as too strong or too soft, and judged differently for the same behavior that may be praised in men.
She described a “don’t tread on me” moment when she felt boxed in by perception. The choice was whether to mirror the incivility around her or reshape the moment through competence, consistency, and civility. She chose the harder path.
For women leaders, the practical strategies are clear: name bias when it appears, set boundaries early, and use “clear is kind” communication to define how you will be treated. For male allies, the work is just as important: call out uncivil behavior, make room for voices that get interrupted, and promote civility by example.
Inclusivity means respecting different backgrounds, viewpoints, and communication styles. An inclusive workplace is not one where everyone agrees. It is one where employees feel valued, safe to engage, and respected when they bring a different perspective.
Modeling Strength Without Sharp Edges
Kristin models something every leader needs: strength without sharp edges. She can be firm on principles and soft on people.
That shows up in tone of voice, word choice, and how someone treats an opponent after a vote or negotiation. Civil behavior is not passive. Leading with civility involves practicing active respect, restraint, and ethical behavior in all professional interactions.
Executives can be decisive without being demeaning. That kind of leadership strengthens relationships, protects trust, and helps people follow suit.
Choosing Rest as a Leadership Discipline: Kristin’s 2026 Word of the Year
Kristin’s word for 2026 is rest. For a high-output professional balancing public life, family, and civic work, that is not disengagement. It is discipline.
Rest looks like calendar boundaries, tech-free windows, family time in Stanislaus County, and spiritual or reflective practices. Emotional regulation allows for thoughtful responses rather than reactions driven by anger.
This matters for leadership development because tired leaders become reactive leaders. Rested leaders are more patient, more direct, and more capable of creating a respectful environment.
Rest, Resilience, and Workplace Civility
Mutual respect in the workplace lowers stress and enhances mental well-being. A lack of civility in the workplace can lead to a toxic environment characterized by high turnover, low morale, and reduced productivity, as employees feel less valued and engaged.
Leaders can pilot simple practices in 30 days: no-email windows, real vacations, better digital etiquette, and clear guidelines for virtual interactions to ensure respect among team members.
Safe and respectful environments help retain top talent and reduce turnover. Prioritizing civility in the workplace boosts morale and lowers turnover rates.
Bringing Civility Home: Practical Steps for Leaders in Divisive Times
Civility matters because culture is built in small moments. Research indicates that workers who rate their workplace as uncivil are three times more likely to be dissatisfied with their job and twice as likely to consider leaving. Workplace incivility is a growing concern because it damages job satisfaction, employee engagement, productivity, and long-term success.
Here are steps leaders can take now:
- Set clear expectations for civil workplace conduct, including open communication and safe feedback channels, so employees can voice concerns without fear of retaliation.
- Encourage open communication, as it is essential for fostering a culture of civility in the workplace, allowing employees to express their thoughts and concerns without fear of retaliation or judgment.
- Remember that encouraging open communication can increase employee engagement and collaboration, as individuals feel more valued and respected when they can share their ideas freely.
- Create environments that promote open communication by actively listening to team members and being transparent in decision-making, which can enhance trust and collaboration.
- Build a productive workplace by fostering empathy, training managers in conflict resolution skills, and recognizing people who model kindness.
- Know that polite and ethical organizations are more likely to attract better clients and partners.
A civil workplace boosts productivity by reducing concerns over toxicity among employees. Civil work environments foster better performance and innovation by minimizing destructive conflict. Civil environments drive innovation as people are more likely to share unique ideas without fear of ridicule. Workplaces that emphasize civility experience fewer conflicts and higher employee morale, as civil communication fosters an environment of respect and cooperation. Civility in the workplace is linked to higher employee engagement and retention, as employees who feel respected are more likely to collaborate effectively and contribute new ideas.
If you want deeper insights, listen to the full Together at the Top episode with Kristin Olsen-Cate. And if your team needs help creating a respectful, high-performing organizational culture, Nick Warner Consulting offers executive coaching, team building, and leadership development services that help organizations drive long-term success with civility as a strategic advantage.
